It is the end of February, and the year is 2025. I feel both relief and despair.

Looking at the state of the world today, I can not stop myself from feeling burdened, tattered, and even slightly broken. I often wonder how far humanity has to fall before it rises back. Or whether I will still be around to be a part of the new planet (If I were as lucky as my mother, I would, but that is a lot of wishful thinking).

Despite my despairs, I also feel light. These are the times when I get up in the morning, meditate and feel a complete sense of clarity, purpose, and order in my small world. I understand now why things are how they are, why I did what I did, even as a young girl, why I now enjoy solitude and why I am on this planet now. My purpose and my mission are clear to me, and this understanding propels me to new heights I never knew existed (if not from story books, comics and movies). I am in a good place, and while I had to let go of many things- friends, family, companions, things- I feel a complete sense of freedom.

Needless to say, the paradox remains. The lighter I feel, the more burdened my heart is. News, media, chat boxes, social media, and sports, like diarrhoea, pull me back into that confusion and return me to a loop of doubts. Truthfully, some of me still crave that drama, even the tortures that come with it. I continue riding a roller coaster ride where I battle my emotions and mind, only to rise for air and to return under. This ride, this spiral, continuous cycle, is daunting, especially if we do not know how to deal with it.

This is the good news. Humans are nature. The natural world and we are one and the same. And like nature, life must be followed by death, dark by light, winter by spring. How far the rabbit hole humanity will have to fall and rise back up again is an open question. There is no escaping the ride. But we can be aware and conscious of our emotions/minds and step back whenever we need to gasp for air. We can walk to the park, get into nature, get our hands dirty digging the soil, listen to the birds chirping, and unplug from the external world. Being conscious about the choices we make is what we as a collective can do today.